A little dose of Zephyr...

I know you are all DYING for a little taste of what little Z is like now. Here's the essence of this little angel monkey!

Mmmmm.

Life is really better now. I know everyone told me it would be and I didn't believe them but it is. It really is :) Sorry for the lack of photos...I'm a whirlwind of living and I can't stop to capture it ;) Seriously though. SO much better. Thanks for all believing it would be :) I feel the karma coming back to me! YAY!

Life with a toddler...

Soooo....for months, Odin and I have been talking about how it would be a great idea to put all of his "babu's" aka pacifiers in a bag and hang it in the tree and the "Babu Fairy" will come and get them and bring them to the babies who need them and will leave him a present in return. I read that the best age to try to get rid of pacifiers is 2 1/2 so I wasn't really pushing it too hard. Most of the time, he would get all excited and say he wanted to do it right now and then when it came down to realizing that they would really be gone, he would decide against it. Sometimes, at bedtime with his "Babu" in his mouth, he'd check with me to make sure that the "Babu Fairy" wasn't going to come and take his pacifier while he was sleeping to which I assured him that she woould not take the babu's until he was ready. So, tonight, I was telling babysitter and our friends that were visiting the story of the "Babu Fairy" and Odin decides he is ready right now. He gets a bag, bags up his babu's and goes out to hang them on the tree. Um, ok. I waited to see if he would chicken out. Instead, he finds another babu under the couch and runs out and puts it in the bag too! Um, what??? Now I'm in full on panic mode. I have NO present from the Babu Fairy for tomorrow morning. I can't run out on my guests who just arrived to make us dinner to buy one! Who would be open at this time of night? The babysitter's on her way out and has plans...can't ask her to go buy something and come back...can't leave the guest with two toddlers and a baby! Odin would freak anyways, being left with a practical stranger...but the fairy HAS to leave a present! I can't do it in the morning before they wake up, there's no one to stay with them! I make an emergency call to my neighbor. She doesn't answer the phone. I walk around the house, brainstorming what I could give him from my household crap that would be exciting and seem like something he'd never seen before. Oh dear. 9:00PM: Another panic call to a friend...wait...you're OUT RUNNING ERRANDS!!!!!! Oh my god, I have an emergency, my little boy has decided to grow up and I'M NOT READY!!!! Can you please please please find an appropriate gift at the drug store and drop it off at my house secretly since the boy is still awake and leave it on the doorstep? Sure enough, she came through for me. There was a "hot diggity dog" gift bag with markers, stickers saying AWESOME, TERRIFIC, AMAZING, a flashlight (she knows he has an OBSESSION with flashlights...can't get into the random reason she knows this) a PEZ dispenser, and a SUPERMAN card with a note inside saying:

Odin,
I am SUPER proud of you! Really good job. You're such a BIG BOY now!!! I'll get these to all the little babies who need them. Love, The BABU FAIRY

Is that a wonderful friend OR WHAT???? I'm blown away. She really came through for me. Phew! This whole "relying on others for help" thing is just wonderful! Better than I could have ever imagined. You just put the word out there that you could use some help and voila! The universe sends you the most amazing things! I have a date with a hottie, friends bringing me dinner and good company, party and barbecue invitations, dates for drinks with the girls, someone, I don't even know who, bringing in my recycling can for me, neighbors offering to take my dog for a walk, my babysitter lending me her designer clothes, so many great things! I should have asked for help a long time ago! Here's to growing up!!!!! Hope the BABU FAIRY is just as good to all of you as she's been to this household ;)

I am back. From Wyoming.

And by this I really mean, I am back. I have bounced back. I am bouncing.

We are in California, the sun is shining, it is 80 degrees, I have a wonderful babysitter, friends, family, a sweet little home, two wonderful boys, and a sticky "o" button. Everything is woonderful. :) Every day I wake up to my "daily 5" matches to keep things interesting...all dweeby men from San Jose. I get winks and emails from losers upon losers. Still, my optimism is unflagging. Caring for my boys is a joy. I see the light not at the end of the tunnel but right now. I am looking forward to "me" time, making plans to go rock climbing every week with a friend, Pilates every week with two other friends, some part time work for my non-profit and Pilates friends, gymnastics for Odin, walks for Z, preschool for Odin, playdates, dinner parties, and thinking, yes, maybe even some dates. I am back into my skinniest jeans, my skin is smooth and clear, my hair is long and blond, my stretch marks have faded, my ta-ta's are perfect and perky, I am lightly tanned, and best of all, my smile is once again genuine. I am really happy. I keep noticing this. I am really happy. Not a fake shell of happy on the outside of an inside that is truly sad. I am still stressed and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I am happy and that is all that matters. I have dropped to the bottom, bounced and have come back up. I am once again floating in this sea that is life. I just hadn't accepted to what extent you CANNOT control this thing called life. Now, I am ok with that. I will live yet another life of my nine lives. I think I have more than nine lives though since I think I am now on life #10. I even have plans for Valentine's Day already if you can believe that. Plans that I'm ok with, even if they are not what I would have wanted for myself a year ago. A year ago I lived in la la land. Today, I am in the here and now. Reality. In all of its twists and turns and unpredictability. I'm taking it as it comes...knowing that I will always bounce back. I have gone through the worst of it and have come out the other side. Thank you to everyone for helping me get through. Now, let's all reap the benefits of your wonderful support and celebrate! I feel like when all of this went down, someone was pressing rewind over and over making me re-watch the last few years, then someone pressed pause and I was just stuck where I was, and now, finally, we're on play again in real time. Let's make some plans, let's make our own happiness, let's enjoy the moment. Right now, this moment, where we are happy right now and that is all that matters. Tomorrow will take care of itself.