Saturday, January 17, 2009

I am back. From Wyoming.

And by this I really mean, I am back. I have bounced back. I am bouncing.

We are in California, the sun is shining, it is 80 degrees, I have a wonderful babysitter, friends, family, a sweet little home, two wonderful boys, and a sticky "o" button. Everything is woonderful. :) Every day I wake up to my "daily 5" matches to keep things interesting...all dweeby men from San Jose. I get winks and emails from losers upon losers. Still, my optimism is unflagging. Caring for my boys is a joy. I see the light not at the end of the tunnel but right now. I am looking forward to "me" time, making plans to go rock climbing every week with a friend, Pilates every week with two other friends, some part time work for my non-profit and Pilates friends, gymnastics for Odin, walks for Z, preschool for Odin, playdates, dinner parties, and thinking, yes, maybe even some dates. I am back into my skinniest jeans, my skin is smooth and clear, my hair is long and blond, my stretch marks have faded, my ta-ta's are perfect and perky, I am lightly tanned, and best of all, my smile is once again genuine. I am really happy. I keep noticing this. I am really happy. Not a fake shell of happy on the outside of an inside that is truly sad. I am still stressed and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I am happy and that is all that matters. I have dropped to the bottom, bounced and have come back up. I am once again floating in this sea that is life. I just hadn't accepted to what extent you CANNOT control this thing called life. Now, I am ok with that. I will live yet another life of my nine lives. I think I have more than nine lives though since I think I am now on life #10. I even have plans for Valentine's Day already if you can believe that. Plans that I'm ok with, even if they are not what I would have wanted for myself a year ago. A year ago I lived in la la land. Today, I am in the here and now. Reality. In all of its twists and turns and unpredictability. I'm taking it as it comes...knowing that I will always bounce back. I have gone through the worst of it and have come out the other side. Thank you to everyone for helping me get through. Now, let's all reap the benefits of your wonderful support and celebrate! I feel like when all of this went down, someone was pressing rewind over and over making me re-watch the last few years, then someone pressed pause and I was just stuck where I was, and now, finally, we're on play again in real time. Let's make some plans, let's make our own happiness, let's enjoy the moment. Right now, this moment, where we are happy right now and that is all that matters. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this: "I don't just see the light at the end of the tunnel but right now."

You are a gem. Thank you for the support you've given me...I want to return it to you, beautiful woman!!