Saturday, April 25, 2009


Since I have lost all of the contact numbers in my phone, I'm letting you all know that we have relocated to Connecticut. Please come visit us as Odin, Zephyr, and I are alone for the moment and would love to see happy smiling faces. Hope to see you all soon. It's good to be home and this nice weather was a great welcome back gift!

Small Talk

As my friend, Cathy, observed, Odin has no problem with small talk. He will do well in business ;)

Odin's conversation with a bus driver:
O: Hi, I want to be a bus driver when I grow up.
D: Really? It's a great job, you get to meet a lot of great kids!
O: I like to meet a lot of kids and everything. Actually, I'm working on potty training.
D: Really? That's hard...but I'm sure you'll do just fine.
O: I'm trying to do my pee pee's and poo poo's in the potty.
D: Ya, that's hard. What's the hardest thing for you? Aiming?
O: Ya. My Mommy's pretty good at doing her poops in the potty though.
D: Oh.

Conversation with Mommy:
M: How's your diaper, Ode?
O: Good. How's your diaper, Mommy?
M: I don't wear diapers Ode.
O: How's your underpants Mommy?
M: Um, fine, thank you.
O: How's Zephyr's diaper?
M: It's fine too. Thanks for asking.

Conversation with stranger:
O: Hi.
S: Hi, what's your name?
O: O-D-I-N, Odin.
S: Hi, I'm K-I-M, Kim. How old are you?
O: (Holding up two fingers) I'm two. Soon, I will be this many. (Holds up five fingers.) My birthday is in July.
S: Oh! Who's that?
O: That's my brother, Zephyr Pepper.
S: Oh. See this picture in this magazine? Do you know who that is?
O: That's Kai Lan. Ni Hao. (Hello, in Chinese.)

Conversation with Uncle Adam:
A: I'm going to Africa to see Lions, Tigers, and Elephants! Then, after that I'll come visit you!
O: So, you're going to come see me after you go to the Zoo?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My son.

Me: "Odin, is there anything I can do to be a better mommy?"
Odin: "Get some sleep."

Not kidding. That is what he said.

Your monthly fill of photos & video

Monday, April 6, 2009


I'm reading this great book called Broken Open that talks about many different theories about of them is a theory that life sends you feedback each day...not messages about the future...but rather feedback on your current life and how you are living it. Today it came to mind about all of the things I've stressed about in the past that turned out to be nothing...(sorry for the graphic nature) but I didn't get my period until I was 17 I think (way after everyone else) and I didn't have big boobs, so I always assumed I'd have a hard time getting pregnant and later breastfeeding. I broke my pelvis when I was 18 and all the doctors said I'd have to have a c-section because of it. My aunts had terrible childbirths and it was assumed, since I had their body type, that I would too. I stressed about all of these things when I was young...thinking I was guaranteed to have these future troubles with things that I cared very much about. I wanted lots of kids and thought it could never happen. Now, here I am on the other side, had no trouble getting pregnant (even while on birth control pills for years) had no trouble with childbirth beyond the fact that my babies were a bit hyper and therefore wrapped themselves all up in their umbilical cords, had no trouble breastfeeding once I figured out the supply/demand side of it, and the only thing keeping me from having many many children was the lack of the right person to do that with. I was in a terrible disfiguring car accident at 18 and I thought I'd be ugly and scarred for life. Today, I look very much like I did before the accident. It makes me think that I should get the message at some point. Each of these big terrible "indicators" of what lay ahead for me turned out to be a small blip on the radar of life and had no bearing whatsoever in my future outcome. Life is telling me that this too shall pass and will someday be such a small blip in the romantic future and lifelong partnership, and strong relationship role model for my boys that is yet to come. I was also thinking that since most people don't find their soulmate until at least 2 years after their divorce, that this is perhaps the situation for my soulmate, and it is something to ponder. It will also turn out to be the reason that I do not yet know him. He is currently living in the bliss of unawareness. He is married, in love, and planning to have a child or has already. Soon, his whole world will be blown wide open as he discovers that his wife and love of his life is cheating on him. He will have to make the difficult decision to end the relationship and will then have to travel the road I am now traveling until he finds me...his true soulmate that understands his place completely and we will go on to have more children and create a bigger family circle that includes stepchildren and new children and ex's and ex-in-laws, and ex-sister and brother-in-laws. The sad thing is that, currently, he is unaware that this will happen to him in the near future and he also does not know that it will turn out better in the end because he will find, let's all spend a moment to honor this poor soul and the journey that he must soon face before the two of us can end up happy, together, in the future...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Side note:

I read this woman's blog religiously and adore her even though I've never met her...I just think that this part of her entry in something we should all consider and think it is worth passing on...

"Because he could not nor was never meant to rescue me, he did something else…he just sat with me there and let me be sad.
He held me while I cried and spit terrible thoughts and then told me to look him in the eye.
“I can do this with you. You can be broken and sad and I can still love you.”
And he went on,
“No matter if this is something that comes around in predictable or unpredictable ways, we can prepare for it and we will overcome it each time together; you don’t have to face it alone anymore.”
He prayed for us and I let him love me.
I allowed myself to be loved as I am, broken, unwhole and suffering.

When we fall in love we are the most perfect versions of ourselves, propelled higher than the angels, with hope and optimism.
When we settle into life we discover again the demons that have always persecuted us.
We need a lifetime to learn how to fight them, and we don’t have to slay every one of them before we are worthy of finding and being loved.
Self-help books will have you believe otherwise, but there is no need to have everything together before you give yourself to someone else. You only need to have enough wisdom within to know when you have truly found someone worthy of your imperfections.
Find yourself a good man who will come and sit with you inside your sadness to share the weight of it with you; a man who is is not just willing to fall but to remain in love, even when it hurts."


Right now, my life is one big backlog. Being really sick is just the thing to make you feel really mediocre at everything. I was up the last two nights with both kids sick (lots of snot, coughing, and eye gunkiness...thank goodness no stomach issues)...then too busy during the day with work to catch up on sleep...and myself feeling crappy too...I just feel like I can only be mediocre at all of my, employee, friend, homeowner, housekeeper, family-member, etc. I have a baby book that has nothing entered...not his monthly weight/height stats, first meal, his first tooth or crawling dates and tons of video and pictures that have not made it to the blog...I am trying to keep all the balls in the air but I'm just barely keeping them from falling...and then I'm supposed to find time for a life for myself as a grown up individual too? I just don't see how it's all possible. As soon as I feel really good about one thing...making some money, paying the bills, or mowing the lawn, then something else is not getting done, the laundry, the house, my job, groceries, cooking. I make the kids a priority and always make sure that they are happy, loved, spent quality time with, fed, clean, clothed, and all before anything else and still it seems like I'm not there for them enough either. Odin just tells me how much he loves me and misses me every minute I have to be away for any reason and how much he needs me every minute of every day and Zephyr really does need me and if he's with my babysitter than I just feel like I'm missing out on bonding time...I just don't know how one person is supposed to handle it all. My only choice to be more on top of things is to be away from the kids more and I hate that thought more than anything. I think the time I spend with them is the MOST important thing since they are why I'm doing all this and it's my reward for all of the crap too. If I spend less time with them it hurts me as much as it hurts them...oh geez. I don't know what I'm trying to say...I just hate being mediocre at everything. I'm not that kind of person.