Friday, October 23, 2009

Here's a thought.

You know what's an interesting thought? I look back at the postings that are as recent as a few months ago, and the feeling's gone. It's just gone. Like a faint whisper you heard but then weren't sure you actually heard anything. A whisper that makes you think you've just seen a ghost. I actually feel like that. Those thoughts have left me. I'm starting a new life. I'm happy. I'm excited. I like who I've become after this whole experience. I feel confident in my parenting again. I'm not afraid of the unknown. I'm taking it as it comes...and that's not scary. It's liberating. I know I can't control it and that life is a mystery as the future just unfolds. A slow, messy, eventual unfolding. Not an unfurling...but an unfolding. Each section reveals itself but the fold creases remain. The image is still whole in its entirety...even with the permanent creases. They just give the paper character, age, wisdom, and a humanity that makes people feel comfortable to handle it yet not too afraid that it will crumble in their hands. Just a thought for those of you who are also going through this. As always, Zephyr's development often makes me reflect on my own baby steps this year. He just started walking and is bravely taking off into his own world beyond the arms of his Mama. I'm proud of him and admire him with his perpetual smile and complete disregard for his Mama's issues. I think that I too have taken to walking again...and you have to crawl before you can walk. That's for sure. It's much better for you that way. You know how you got to where you are and that, should you fall again, you can handle it. You'll just slow to a crawl again and plug along.

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