Saturday, December 11, 2010

Such is life.

To anyone that begrudged me for my happy moments and how I may have overshared my joy...I now feel entirely justified for doing it.  My rationale was that I realized how fleeting happy moments can be and how they always seem to come to an end in my world at some point so it's important to soak it up while it lasts.  I'm glad that I fully appreciated my reprieve from single-momdom for the last 7 months.  It was really nice to feel loved and special.  I had wonderful company and felt cherished and lucky.  I was able to enjoy my boys more and to really love every minute of my life.  Regardless of whether I was taken for a ride or not, no matter what the real story is or was, and despite the fact that it might have all been a mirage of smoke and mirrors, this time I actually don't regret a thing.  I had the best 7 months of my life and got to live the dream which some people never get to do.  I know now how it feels to be loved...even if that love is not real, at least now I know what I'm looking for.  I know that it is something worth waiting for and I'm perfectly happy being alone until I find it and if that takes forever, so be it.  I know what it feels like when a relationship is working.  I know what normal discussions feel like, what talking about your problems feels like, what it is to be with a person that has a personality that fits with your own.  I'm thankful to have learned all of these lessons and to have grown as a partner.  Although it is now my time to be back on my own again...just me and the boys...and as hard as that may be and as sad as I am, I'm just so glad that I soaked up that happiness while I could.  It will carry me through this rough patch.  My soul was fed and full in the way that nourishes you for a long time.  It is very nice to be surrounded by my wonderful community and I'm so glad I chose this place to raise my boys.  We are lucky to live here and for the people that support me I am so thankful.  As one last thing, let this be a reminder to us all that happiness is an is an ever shifting changing if you have it, let it shine, let everyone around you bask in its everyone what it is to be happy...for it will inspire them to also look for this fleeting moments and to appreciate it when they find it.  You will carry others through their rough patches with your optimism and abundant love...until it has once again evaporated, leaving you holding just air, a popped balloon...and you once again need to turn to the others who are in their own moments of share in their love and optimism and carry you through.  It is a human cycle of perpetual hope that we are bound to and it is important that we take every moment for what it is.  A gift.  The gift of life...and whether we are in a high or a low...we are still lucky to be able to live it.  I'd rather be sad and disappointed but alive any day.  Next time I'm happy...take it for what it is.  Share in my happiness, bask in the glow...don't begrudge me...but appreciate it for what it is.  A shining moment in time when the sun hit that metal reflector just right and blinded me with its glory. 

1 comment:

Jen said...

I love this!

I am thinking that this is the place I need to get to if/when (yes, I know it is really WHEN) I say goodbye to this man that has been in my life. And I have had chemistry before, and said goodbye, and gotten to this place of appreciation...but that doesn't make it easier (and this time, the chemistry was on more levels!).

Great blog!