Saturday, June 5, 2010


I have come to a realization and I am writing it down so that I do not lose my resolve in this new conclusion that I have come to.  I have decided that being a grown up means saying tough things even though you know that it may mean that you lose immediate gratification in favor of a long term gain.  It means knowing yourself so well that you can say with complete conviction what is most important to you and what you are willing to sacrifice and what you are not.  It means knowing what makes you happy and creating an existence where you can be happy all on your own.  So happy that you are willing to walk away from something that makes you happy in the moment if it will not create the future that you see for yourself.  It means being honest about what your expectations are regardless of the outcome because you want to be happy and you know that you can be happy alone if all else fails and that you are not willing to compromise your image of what you want in the future.  Truly knowing yourself and thinking long and hard about what is important to you is the only way that you will find your future happiness and you must be so dedicated to that future that you will not settle.  Life is about making yourself happy, so happy in fact that the fear of being alone will not drive you to make decisions based solely on that fear.  I am going to be gutsy tomorrow and lay my cards on the table.  I will not cower away from what I want.  I will not put my own wants aside for fear of being alone.  I will say what is truly important to me and how I envision my future.  I will make myself a priority because I deserve to be happy and if someone cannot help me towards that goal then I will go it alone.  If I don't get some guts and go for it, then I am only doing a disservice to myself and the people I love.  Emotional honesty is scary but necessary and it is where mature grown ups dwell.  Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.  Better to love and to lose than to live a life unfulfilled.  Wish me luck on sticking to my guns.  I am so very not good at this.  I can only be strong in the fact that I have found my own happiness and that will be there to carry me through any outcome.

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